10 Reasons You Should Cheat on Him

There are certain obvious signs it’s time to have a little fun on the side.

1. The Candy That He Ate

He gave you candy without flowers on Valentine’s Day, and as soon as you opened the candy he ate all the chocolates except the coconut one which he knew you hated.

2. The Nasty Girl Next Door

On his laptop he replaced the screensaver of you in your wedding dress with a bikini shot of the new aerobics instructor who just moved in next door.

3. The Flat He Expects You to Change

Last week when you had a blowout on the Interstate and pulled over on the shoulder he said, “I’ll open the trunk for you so you can change the tire.”

4. His Cheating Co-worker

In the middle of the night on Tuesday he screamed out in his sleep: “Sabrina, I told you we can’t do this at work. Let’s wait till my wife goes to her sales expo in Akron!”

5. The Bottle You Tried to Hide

When you confiscated all the bottles of Jack Daniels you noticed a funny smell in the paper milk carton and after he ate his Corn Flakes he began clucking like a rooster.

6. The Grass Spot His Bad Habit Made

You noticed a strange bare spot where grass didn’t grow behind the back patio, and so you started spying on him when he went out there and discovered he took a leak on that spot every night at 7:30.

7. The Silly Game He’d Rather Play Than Satisfy You

When you told him you were in the mood two weeks ago he came to bed at 12:30 and played on his phone till you were out cold.

8. His Old Aunt Betty

He deleted all the text messages from females on his phone except the ones from his sister Ruthie and his Aunt Betty in Tacoma.

9. What He Reminds You of In Bed

He snores like a hog and claims you do.

10. A New Partner

Because the most gorgeous guy you ever saw in your life just asked you to go to Maui with him for a week.